Welcome to the IDT Sandwich
Select from the timeline on the left to travel back in time to the Sandwich emails of yore.
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🍞🍩🐄🍩🍞
🍞🍩🐟🍗🐄🍩🍞
🍞🍩🌭🍩🍞
🍞🍩🚗🍗🚗🍩🍞
🍞🍩🍗🍩
🍩🍞🍞🍩🍗🐔🥚🍩🍞
🍞🍩🍗🍩👶🍩🍞
Select from the timeline on the left to travel back in time to the Sandwich emails of yore.
You are cordially invited to the Second First Annual IDT Sandwich Celebration.
The IDT Sandwich is already the most innovative sandwich in the industry, and now we will be offering its bigger, more disruptive brother for the holiday season: The Turdoken (Turkey – Donut – Chicken).
The Turdoken variant of the IDT Sandwich includes the traditional Krispy Kreme donuts and Chick-Fil-A chicken along with all the fixin’s found at your family’s holiday dinner like turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and gravy dipping sauce.
If you choose to enjoy this holiday season’s must have sandwich, the Standard Installation Technique (SIT) is as follows:
De-bun the Chick-Fil-A sandwich.
Place a slice of turkey on the filet.
Place the meats between the donuts.
Place stuffing in the top hole and then carefully place mashed potatoes in the bottom hole.
Seal the sandwich with buns.
Eat.
This configuration will deliver the sandwich to the warfighter faster. Otherwise it will fall apart and make a mess.
If this version of the IDT Sandwich is too disruptive for you, feel free to go with the traditional chicken and donut experience. Or, if chicken from The Fil-A doesn’t float your boat, make a special request for a burger or something (preferably from a sandwich distributor in the same shopping center as Wegman’s and Chick-Fil-A) to replace the chicken.
Please reply to ensure we have the correct number of donuts and Fil-A’s.
Welcome to the feast of the year. This invitation allows you to attend the prestigious IDT Sandwich Summer Gala. It will be the First Second Annual offering of the sandwich Zagat's calls "a modern chicken marvel" and Lewis says is "surprisingly delicious". My apologies for this late notice for the long awaited sandwich event of the summer. We missed Christmas in July, so this year we will observe the holiday on New Year’s in July (aka August 1st).
The traditional IDT Sandwich will make its return. No family dinner fixins. Just the classic glazed donut buns and Chick-Fil-A chicken. The entry fee is $5. This gets you one Chick-Fil-A sandwich and two glazed donuts. If Chick-Fil-A doesn’t float your boat, feel free to make a special request in an email to me. Please RSVP by Monday July 1st and we hope to see you there (in the small conference room).
Merry December and welcome to the Second Second Annual IDT Sandwich Celebration, The Holiday Edition. This celebration signals the end of another year of sandwich eating and the beginning of more sandwich innovations. Next week is a busy week full of appreciation and ugly sweaters, and as the Time of Great Feasting (the Holidays) comes to a close it’s important to eat all that we can before the resolutions of the new year.
So without further ado, this year’s wintry treat, dubbed the Employee Appreciation Sandwich, will be offered next Thursday 12/14 at 12:00 PM. We will most likely feast in the kitchen, but if you’re feeling classy we could move to Freedom or Independence for fine dining. The sandwich this year will be the traditional Chick Fil-A sandwich on two glazed donuts, but as usual you may request a special order if either the glazed donuts or the Fil-A don’t float your boat. The cost of admission is $5. That gets you two glazed donuts and one Chick Fil-A sandwich. Please reply to this invite at your earliest convenience and forward any payment to me (cash or PayPal accepted at locus917@gmail.com).
Year 0...the Founding Father's alpha release.
Year 1…Family Fixin’s and Fil-a.
Year 2…Employee Appreciation Sandwich.
Each year, the sandwich currently on display at the Louvre continues to grow into an office wide phenomenon, and this year will be no different as we prepare to release version 4.15.1.3.2.34.2 with a core version of 1.2.4.6.12.4.3. And as we near the day of this prestigious event we pride ourselves in looking back in remembrance, reflecting on our past innovations and taking time for introspection and self-evaluation. Then we ask ourselves: what is one thing you always find while introspecting?
The answer: An empty stomach.
Therefore, it is officially time to prepare your appetites and plan your order for First Third Annual IDT Sandwich Summer Gala. The sandwich will return next Wednesday on Christmas in July (7/25/18) at 12pm. As usual, we will meet in the kitchen to hand out the sandwiches. We will be offering the traditional Chick Fil-A sandwich on two glazed donuts, but as usual you may request a special order if either the glazed donuts or the Fil-A don’t float your boat. The cost of admission is $5. That gets you two glazed donuts and one Chick Fil-A sandwich. Please reply to this invite at your earliest convenience and forward any payment to me (cash or PayPal accepted at locus917@gmail.com). Thank you and we look forward to sandwiching with you.
P.S. To the best of your ability, please take note of what you ordered. I promise to do my best to keep the order list with me, so if you aren't sure what you ordered when the sandwiches arrive we can check. There were a few people last year who placed a special order for spicy chicken, and when they got to the Dining Hall the Spicies were all gone. We just want to make sure everyone gets the sandwich they ordered. Thank you very much for your cooperation.
“To eat, or not to eat”
This famous Shakespearean quote from the tragic Hamlet was the result of ole’ William staring at his dinner and discussing the state of his ham sandwich with his wife Anne Hathaway (no lie, that’s her name). But you know what? If the name of the play was Chickenlet, the question would instead be, “three sandwiches, or four?!?” Thankfully, in modern America, we no longer have such questions. Transporting a chicken sandwich from distributor to stomach couldn’t be easier. With recent advancements in donut technology, chicken sandwiches are reaching the warfighter faster than ever.
Therefore, welcome to the 2nd 3rd Annual IDT Sandwich Celebration –The Holiday Edition. On Friday December 14th at 12:30pm, please be prepared to construct the wonder that is Chick-fil-A chicken between a pair of warm, glazy Krispy Kreme donuts. This year, we’re migrating our ordering system to Google forms. To place an order, please click on the long, sketchy looking link below and fill in your choices. And as usual, if the glazed donuts or Fil-A don’t float your boat, please feel free to make a special request. If you accept this calendar invite but don’t fill out the order form, I will assume you want a traditional IDT Sandwich. The cost of admission is $6. That gets you two glazed donuts and one Chick Fil-A sandwich. Please reply to this invite at your earliest convenience and forward any payment to me (cash or PayPal/Venmo accepted at locus917@gmail.com). Thank you and we look forward to sandwiching with you.
Order Link: https://tinyurl.com/longSketchyLink
With the invention of the internet, modern American dietary trends have recently grown to include meals ordered online and shipped right to your door. Blue Apron, Freshly, Daily Harvest. A quick fix to the age old issue of grocery store shopping, food can now be delivered to the warfighter faster than ever. Unfortunately, the quick-to-consumer meals leave much to be desired. There are no doughnuts. The average eater has shied away from the apparent unhealthiness of cakes and doughnuts and sugary snacks. Take the IDT Sandwich for example. What has become commonplace in the innovative defense world has yet to catch on with the greater public. Health concerns like nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and…you know, have all caused mainstream media to paint a dark portrait of doughnuts and their effects on your well-being.
As you can see, the USDA still recommends that a majority of your diet comes from eggs and oatmeal, but now you have dietary permission to consume chicken and doughnuts.
Therefore, Thursday (July 25th) we will celebrate this year's 1st 4th Annual IDT Sandwich - Summer Gala. This email serves as your invitation to partake in this savory celebration.
The standard IDT Sandwich includes one (1) Chick-Fil-A sandwich nestled between two (2) Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts. One payment of $6 grants you admission and your order delivered to your nearest IDT kitchen. As usual, if the glazed donuts or Fil-A don’t float your boat, please feel free to make a special request. This year the event will not be an Outlook calendar event. We will be tracking all orders through a Google form (link below). So if you would like a sandwich, please place your order by Wednesday July 24th and forward any payment to me (cash or PayPal/Venmo accepted at locus917@gmail.com).
Thank you and we look forward to sandwiching with you.
Order: tinyurl.com/IDTSandwichOrder
In 1823, the famous poem “Twas the Night Before Christmas” was published anonymously to little fanfare in upstate New York. Now, almost two hundred years later, a recent translation has revealed that what would eventually become essential Christmastime reading is actually a revision of an ancient text deliciously known as "A Doughnut for Christmas". The original texts describe an interesting Dutch holiday tradition: in middle-ages Netherlands, children were encouraged to leave large donuts on their window sill on Christmas Eve in hopes that St. Nicholas would leave gifts of chicken inside the doughnut holes. Netherlanders would bake year-round in an attempt to perfect the densest and sturdiest donut capable of holding all the chickens on their wish list. Because as they say in Amsterdam "Als de doughnut barst, gaan de geschenken terug" or "If the donut cracks, the gifts go back."
This poem was written in the spirit of that doughnut filling tradition.
(an excerpt)
Twas the night before chicken when all through the house.
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The donuts were sat on the window with care.
In hopes that fried chicken soon would be there.
The chicken would arrive like chests of gold treasure.
With the help of red people who tell you "my pleasure".
Then sandwiches would fly to the warfighter posthaste.
To disrupt the industry with an abundance of taste…with discipline.
...
He got in his truck, to his team gave a shout.
And away they all drove like a car peeling out.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight –
“Eat your chickens right now, don’t wait ‘til tonight!”
So as we all settle in to the home stretch of the holiday season, this poem serves as your invitation to join us at the 2nd 4th Annual IDT Sandwich Celebration - Holiday Edition (12-Dec-2020).
The standard IDT Sandwich includes one (1) Chick-Fil-A filet nestled between two (2) Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts. One payment of $6 grants you admission and your order delivered to your nearest IDT kitchen. As usual, if the glazed donuts or Fil-A don’t float your boat, please feel free to make a special request. This time around, the event will be back on your Outlook calendars; however, please do not rely on the Outlook event to act as your RSVP. We will be tracking all orders through a Google form (link below). So if you would like a sandwich, please place your order by Wednesday December 11th and forward any payment to me (cash or PayPal/Venmo accepted at locus917@gmail.com). I will do my best to reach out to anyone who responded to the Outlook event but did not fill out an order, but I don't want to miss anyone so please use the Google form.
Thank you and we look forward to sandwiching with you.
ORDER: https://tinyurl.com/idtsandwichholiday
PAYPAL/VENMO: locus917@gmail.com
From the crumbs a new sandwich will rise.
-Colonel Sanders
As our country’s healthcare officials and government leaders attempt to navigate the difficulties of life in the shadow of a pandemic, the CDC (Centers for Donuts and Chicken) has been hard at work planning for the return of the IDT Sandwich. This institution of American cuisine was once a staple in our office. In times past, IDT-ers gathered around the fifth-floor hearth and broke bread together. This year, we are pleased to break bread/chicken together again, albeit with new considerations for healthy delivery of sandwich capability.
Times like these require a comprehensive plan to ensure that chicken is delivered to the warfighter quickly AND safely; our goal is to disrupt the donut industry, not immune systems. Therefore, the CDC has created the “C-D-Cs of Food Safety” to define a safe sandwich environment:
Complementary signage has been placed around the office as a reminder of these guidelines:
So, with the health and safety briefing out of the way, I welcome you. With “The Sandwich ” having taken a 2020 sabbatical, if we were to restart the naming of this event, this year’s celebration would be the 2nd 1st 1st Annual IDT Sandwich; therefore, for the sake of simplicity, we have decided to continue the existing numbering, making the upcoming luncheon the 1st 5th Annual IDT Sandwich Celebration - Summer Gala.
The standard IDT Sandwich includes one (1) Chick-Fil-A filet nestled between two (2) Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts. One payment of $6 grants you admission and your order delivered to your nearest IDT kitchen. As usual, if the glazed donuts or Fil-A are not a part of your diet, please feel free to mention another pastry and/or filet supplier in the special instructions area of the order form, and we will do our best to accommodate your requests. We will meet in the 5th floor kitchen at ~12:30 next Thursday (7/29). The event will be on your Outlook calendars; however, please do not rely on the Outlook event to serve as your RSVP. We will be tracking all orders through a Google form (link below). If you would like a sandwich, please place your order by Wednesday July 28th and forward any payment to me (cash; PayPal: locus917@gmail.com; Venmo: @Mark-Locuson). I will do my best to reach out to anyone who responded to the Outlook event but did not fill out an order, but I don’t want to miss anyone so please use the Google form.
Thank you, and we look forward to sandwiching with you.
Order Form: tinyurl.com/idonuttech
We may look back on the COVID era as a time of shortages. Chip shortage, lumber shortage, bus driver shortage, door shortage, IBM DOORS shortage. The list goes on. Yet through it all, IDT has never been short on innovation, hard work, and perseverance. IDT has continued to excel and grow, propelling us into the next phase of disruptive innovation.
Every successful company follows a similar well-oiled progression:
As IDT’s continued growth has reached beyond Phase 5, the next logical step is to offer a web-based, platform-as-a-sandwich, enterprise solution that will, with discipline, increase the rate of delivery of chicken to the warfighter. Therefore, as our holiday gift to you all, and as the invitation that will usher in the next generation of office lunch technology, we are excited to reveal the beta version of the IDT Sandwich Ordering System. On the Innovative Donut Technologies website, with current features including images and text, we have begun building towards Next-Gen sandwich ordering solutions like links and buttons and order forms. We hope you enjoy.
Link: idonuttech.com/main/index.html
(Disclaimer: the beta version is still blocked by our WebBlocker (temporarily). So check it out at home or on your phone. And then we’ll continue with business as usual below. 😊)
So, with the big-reveal-that-you-can’t-see-at-work out of the way, I welcome you. This season brings us the 2nd 5th Annual IDT Sandwich Celebration - Holiday Edition. As usual, the standard IDT Sandwich includes one (1) Chick-Fil-A filet nestled between two (2) Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts. One payment of $7 (seven) grants you admission and your order delivered to your nearest IDT kitchen. Official options for Popeye’s and Wendy’s chicken have been added to the order form as well. If the glazed donut or chicken options are not a part of your diet, please feel free to mention another pastry and/or filet supplier in the special instructions area of the order form. We will do our best to accommodate your requests. We will meet in the 5th floor kitchen at ~12:00 next Tuesday (12/14). The event will be on your Outlook calendars; however, please do not rely on the Outlook event to serve as your RSVP. We will be tracking all orders through a Google form (link below). If you would like a sandwich, please place your order by Monday December 13th and forward any payment to me (cash; PayPal: locus917@gmail.com; Venmo: @Mark-Locuson). I will do my best to reach out to anyone who responded to the Outlook event but did not fill out an order, but I don’t want to miss anyone so please use the Google form.
Order Form: forms.gle/UTSF5MmLX2WReNjE7
Thank you, and we look forward to sandwiching with you.
A time of reunion and camaraderie and well-mannered frivolity. Phase 3 is upon us, and we’re excited to welcome you all to the 1st 6th Annual IDT Sandwich– Return to Office Edition. After years of separation, it is time to bring the proverbial buns and chickens back together to celebrate the biggest IDT Sandwich event of our time. On Monday, July 25, we will gather around the 5th Floor hearth and break chicken together. And this time around, our celebration will be sponsored by IDT (Defense, not Donuts)! Yes, that is correct: your IDT Sandwich is FREE, and our sandwich event will serve as the official July monthly office lunch. To commemorate the special occasion, the first ~45 IDT-ers through the kitchen door will receive a Donut-Chicken-Doughnut Sticker. And fear not: if you would rather not partake in the spectacle that is the IDT Sandwich, you can skip the donuts -- Cyndi will be ordering extra sandwiches for the non-donut eaters.
For those of you who are not office-bound, we’ll be adopting a cameras-on policy. Anyone unable to join the festivities in person is encouraged to pick up the newly released BunCam 1000 (a new sandwich -mounted webcam, capable of supporting collaborative eating video calls). As seen in the figure below, the BunCam 1000 sits comfortably on top of the sandwich to share your chicken eating experience from the first bite to the (almost) last.
For those unfamiliar with The Sandwich, the standard order includes one (1) fried chicken filet nestled between two (2) Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts. Official chicken options for Chick-Fil-A and Popeye’s are included in the order form. If the glazed donut or chicken options are not a part of your diet, please feel free to mention another pastry and/or filet supplier in the special instructions area of the order form. We will do our best to accommodate your requests. We will meet in the 5th floor kitchen at ~12:00 on Monday (7/25). The event will be on your Outlook calendars; however, please do not rely on the Outlook event to serve as your only RSVP. We will be tracking all orders through a Google form (link below). If you would like a sandwich, please place your order by Wednesday, July 20st.
To place your order, head on over to idonuttech.com.
Thank you, and we look forward to sandwiching with you.
Happy holidays and welcome to the 2nd 6th IDT Sandwich. This time of year brings our annual sandwich cycle to a close as we all settle in for the winter season. And as usual, the first thing on our minds this time of year: chicken security. The fifth floor hearth has long played host to our festive gatherings of fried chicken and pastry, but as the IDT family grows, so too does our need for robust safety measures that stand against the proverbial security Grinches and Scrooges that threaten our kitchen. Nefarious sandwiches have compromised a warfighter or two in my day, and the responsibility to protect our lunches falls to us all.
To combat these threats, the Doughnuts and Chicken Security Agency (DCSA) has set forth a risk mitigation plan to ensure safeguards are in place to protect immune systems (IS) and limit the impact of bad eggs. Chief among the security protocols is the Chicken Control Board (CCB). For safekeeping of warfighter IS, the CCB review process will ensure that, for each order, compromised chickens and/or buns will be identified before they can deliver vulnerabilities to the warfighter and contaminate sandwich supply. The CCB review cycle is displayed below.
If we stick to this process, our sandwiches will be securer and our immune systems will be securerer. Therefore, in an effort to keep security ever-present in our minds, we’ll be hopping on the slogan train. This year IDT – Defense Division has adopted the slogan “We Are IDT”. To promote this season of security, we will adopt a slogan of our own: We put the “safe” in sandwich™.
For any questions regarding the CCB process or our slogan, please contact your People Eater.
This celebration will be sponsored by IDT (Defense, not Donuts), so your IDT Sandwich is FREE, and the event will serve as the official December office lunch. Fear not: if you would rather not partake in the spectacle that is the IDT Sandwich, you can skip the donuts -- Cyndi will be ordering extra sandwiches for the non-donut eaters.
For those unfamiliar with The Sandwich, the standard order includes one (1) fried chicken filet nestled between two (2) Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts. Official chicken options for Chick-Fil-A and Popeye’s are included on the order form. If the glazed donut or chicken options are not a part of your diet, please feel free to mention another pastry and/or filet supplier in the special instructions area of the order form. We will do our best to accommodate your requests. We will meet in the 5th floor kitchen at ~12:00 on Wednesday, December 14th. The event will be on your Outlook calendars; however, please do not rely on the Outlook event to serve as your RSVP. We will be tracking all orders through a Google form (link below). If you would like a sandwich, please place your order by Monday, December 12th.
Order: idonuttech.com
Thank you, and we look forward to sandwiching with you.
Let’s get right to it: Reorganization.
Synonyms include realignment, rearrangement, reconstruction, resandwich.
As the scale of any enterprise grows, the need for reassessment grows with it. To identify inefficiencies. To uncover room for improvement. To ensure that all cylinders are firing to their fullest potential. And a sandwich recipe is no different. In the words of Henry Ford, “An inefficient sandwich is like an inefficient engine: too many donuts and not enough chicken.” A recipe is not one-size-fits-all. The Original IDT Sandwich (🍞🍩🍗🍩🍞) is not always the most efficient vehicle to deliver chicken to the warfighter. If we consider other options, we might find that a reorganized recipe might increase the speed of delivery and the amount of discipline.
For example, if I need to send chicken to warfighters in Detroit, Michigan, what could I add to the IDT Sandwich to get the chicken their faster?
Answer: tires. “The Detroit” (🍞🍩🚗🍗🚗🍩🍞) will drive that chicken down main street faster than Lightning McQueen.
If I need to deploy chicken to sailors serving at sea, what will get that chicken there early?
Answer: fish. “The Walker” (🍞🍩🐟🍗🐄🍩🍞) will deliver sea-based chicken to sea-based personnel lickety split.
These are just two examples of potential next-gen sandwiches, each one designed to be a custom-fit chicken mover. And if the first round of a reorganized sandwich doesn’t solve the problem, we can always reorganize it again. So now we turn to you for help. What other recipes can you think of? What other delivery challenges can be addressed by a beefed-up chickened-up recipe? When you place an order for your IDT Sandwich (link below), fill in the optional field with a new sandwich recipe. In December, I’ll list my favorites in the invitation for the Holiday Sandwich. See the menu below for reorganized recipe inspiration.
Disclaimer: We are not eating special sandwiches this year. Your sandwich ideas are a thought experiment and not an order. Chick-Fil-A does not sell car tires.
We need to reorganize two more things before we wrap up – schedule and funding.
Schedule – We’re hosting the Summer Gala a little earlier in July than usual because I’ll be OOO on paternity leave soon. So instead of celebrating Christmas in July we’ll be celebrating 4th of July in July.
Funding - For this event, we are also reorganizing the funding source. We will be purchasing our own chickens this Summer. ☹
For those unfamiliar with The Sandwich, the standard order includes one (1) fried chicken filet nestled between two (2) Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts. Official chicken options for Chick-Fil-A and Popeye’s are included on the order form. If the glazed doughnut or chicken options are not a part of your diet, please feel free to mention another pastry and/or filet supplier in the special instructions area of the order form. We will do our best to accommodate your requests. We will meet in the 5th floor kitchen at ~12:00 on Thursday, July 6th. The event will be on your Outlook calendars; however, please do not rely on the Outlook event to serve as your RSVP. We will be tracking all orders through a Google form (link below). If you would like a sandwich, please place your order by Tuesday, July 4th.
Order: idonuttech.com
Thank you, and we look forward to sandwiching with you.
🍩🍞You may have seen an invite on your calendar for next Tuesday’s lunch of chicken sandwiches and doughnuts. For those of you new to the IDT Sandwich, it might seem that this is just a zany holiday-time corporate event intended to close out the year, and in part that is true. We do gather ’round the fire to break bread before folks start their well-deserved December vacations. However, lost in the shuffle is the tradition of it all. The IDT Sandwich has for seven years been a twice-a-year event. This year, however, there were whispers in July of an IDT Sandwich that was quickly swept under the rug, never to be heard from again. Unfortunately, that luncheon became the casualty of a sudden change in my schedule (more on that later), and in the process we lost half of a seven-year tradition. We’re now closing in on twelve months without bun-donut-chicken-donut-bun!
’Tis the season to remedy a delay such as this.
It is time (for real this time) for the 2nd 1st 7th IDT Sandwich. With a hiatus this long, and with so many new faces around Laurel Mountain, it’s best that we cover the basics:
The standard IDT Sandwich includes one (1) Chick-Fil-A filet nestled between two (2) Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts. We provide the option for Popeye’s chicken as well. If that menu does not fit your diet, please feel free to mention another pastry and/or filet supplier in the “Notes” column of the order form, and we will do our best to accommodate your requests. You can place an order at idonuttech.com or via the calendar event that Allison has posted for the December monthly lunch (thank you, Allison). We will meet in the 5th floor kitchen at ~12:00 next Tuesday (12/19). Note: even though the event is on your calendars, please do not rely on the Outlook event to serve as your RSVP. We will be tracking all orders through a Google sheet (at the link above or in the Outlook event). If you would like a sandwich, please place an order by tomorrow.
Thank you, and we look forward to sandwiching with you.
Now...as for why we missed the July event.
A season of change is upon me. In July, my chicken coop welcomed a new chick to the family, and I had to cancel the summer sandwich. My mornings are now filled with the cheep cheeps of hunger and...digestive distress. And now the presence of a child gives me pause. I’m reminded of one of life’s fundamental questions: where do IDT Sandwiches come from? With a little one at home, I could think of this question as if asked by a small child and answer, “Well...uhhh...uhhhh. Well, little Timmy. When a chicken and a doughnut love each other very much...“. But we’re all adults here. We can review the innerworkings of IDT Sandwich production in all its explicit detail.
While we assemble our sandwiches by hand in the office, our IDT Sandwich-at-scale journey starts in the factory. The mass production of IDT Sandwiches is a technical feat that has broken new ground in the arena of speedy sandwich-to-warfighter capability. The IDT Sandwich factory churns out thousands of sandwiches a day, powered by an energy core of Artificial Enriched Plutonium (AEP-31) isotopes; a secret, proprietary, enhanced element that no other facility on earth has access to.
But before the factory can work its magic, we need ingredients. This leads us to the first step: acquisitions. For that, we take you through time and space. A delegation of sailors, hunters, and diplomats travel through an inter-dimensional portal into the Poultryverse. The sandwich factory was built over a portal that connects our world to the Poultryverse (we’ll learn the history here at a later date), and that realm is our acquisition team’s destination.
The portal drops our team on the banks of the River Chyx. They row to the other side to the Chicken Kingdom to parlay with the Chicken King and his delegation.
A series of formalities ensues, initiating an exchange of goods: chicken feed for chicken sandwiches. Things are a bit different in the Poultryverse. Chicken sandwiches grow on trees there. The Chicken Kingdom harvests them and trades them (it’s their primary export) for the chicken feed that our civilization is known for.
With the sandwiches in tow, it’s time to acquire the final ingredient: the elusive wild doughnut. Time for the hunters to punch their timecards. The doughnuts leave their winter holes in the mountains to summer in the forests along the river. Lands ripe for grazing. And hunting. Two doughnuts per sandwich will do.
The acquisition phase is now complete. Back to the factory.
Where old world trade and hunting is the tradition in the Poultryverse, in our world we use technology to the fullest. The sandwich ingredients are funneled onto conveyor belts that feed the in-house Chicken Filet Accelerator, a particle accelerator capable of colliding chicken and pastry, fusing them together for all time (as they should be).
At this point, the pastry-enriched chicken sandwiches are ready for edge deployment. The sandwiches are loaded onto the A(ir)C(hicken)-130 transport planes and flown to their final destinations all over the world…
…where warfighters enjoy a hearty home-factory cooked meal. Of chicken. Sold to us by chickens. And then squished between two donuts. That moments before were walking around.
Rinse and repeat. A well-oiled machine for the modern lunch industrial complex.